Hey Michael, this was a brave article to write and I enjoyed it immensely. Believe it or not, I haven’t listened to that Taylor album but I sure will now!!
Also I am sorry for the bullying you experienced at school. Kids can be so cruel and that sounds rough! But you’re right, look all the incredible things you’ve done with your life. And there is a small (but gentle) vengeance in growing and learning and seeing your efforts pay off in life. You have certainly done that. You help kids everyday. Doing exactly the opposite of what those kids did to you. And that’s commendable!
I agree it’s all about turning our difficult experiences into something that can grow flowers. I saw a quote this morning that seemed relevant:
“Everything I learned about my light was taught to me by the darkness”
Sending you extra care this week! I can imagine the editing process and revisiting these memories would have been difficult. Thanks for sharing 🙏
I love that quote, Renee. I was just texting with a friend before reading your message and the idea of how having a panic talk has helped me to talk and write about them in productive ways came up. You mention flowers, too, so there’s that cyclical idea present too: just as the darkness fuels our embrace of the light, so too do we die and decompose into the ground where our bodies fertilizer the plant life that delivers oxygen and, of course, beautiful flowers.
You’re totally right that those boys, in their indelicate, cruel ways, did help teacher me how to treat people. With large classes looking at me each day, I have a large population I can put down, diminish, and destabilize each day, but I actively try to do the opposite of that. Thank you for highlighting that.
(As for Taylor’s album, yes, there’s some great stuff in there. I’ve taken a break from “thank you aIMee” since finishing this, but I’m still looping a few tracks at a high frequency. I hope you enjoy it if you do!)
This was deep and sad and touching and admirably honest. Thank you for sharing it.
The piece made me think lots of things, but what stood out most was two sayings it reminded me of: 1) the best revenge is a life well lived. And 2) hurt people, hurt people.
Regarding the second saying, I think it’s a real testament to the good of things when someone breaks that cycle, i.e., someone is hurt and they don’t hurt (or wish hurt) on anyone else. Your story echoes that sentiment, which is commendable.
I really like the way you put that. I’ve heard “break the cycle” before, but I hadn’t connected it to this. I like how it lends holding back names and not incriminating antagonists from my life an active verb: it’s breaking, not some passive verb or negated one. You put a lump in my throat here.
You’re totally right that Mickey, Stuart, and Jerry were surely hurt kids before they hurt me, not only after adulthood wounded them again. I have no inside knowledge about their upbringings, but I have “head canon” that I’ve adopted about where their respective cruelnesses originated from. I remember hearing that phrase as a kid and being skeptical—the “monsters” stalking the playground sure didn’t look hurt!—but as an adult, with space from the internal terror they wrought, I understand it.
Thank you so much for your observation. It really resonates with me. Just reading this thing is generous enough, but you’ve added to my internal vocabulary for thinking and remembering these challenging situations. You’re the best, Michael.
I’m super happy to have helped. And I’m really happy that I was able to help in a way where I offered new language. It’s an empowering thing to come across words/concepts that helps us think about our experiences differently — and I think as writers this is especially nice for us.
Hey Michael, this was a brave article to write and I enjoyed it immensely. Believe it or not, I haven’t listened to that Taylor album but I sure will now!!
Also I am sorry for the bullying you experienced at school. Kids can be so cruel and that sounds rough! But you’re right, look all the incredible things you’ve done with your life. And there is a small (but gentle) vengeance in growing and learning and seeing your efforts pay off in life. You have certainly done that. You help kids everyday. Doing exactly the opposite of what those kids did to you. And that’s commendable!
I agree it’s all about turning our difficult experiences into something that can grow flowers. I saw a quote this morning that seemed relevant:
“Everything I learned about my light was taught to me by the darkness”
Sending you extra care this week! I can imagine the editing process and revisiting these memories would have been difficult. Thanks for sharing 🙏
I love that quote, Renee. I was just texting with a friend before reading your message and the idea of how having a panic talk has helped me to talk and write about them in productive ways came up. You mention flowers, too, so there’s that cyclical idea present too: just as the darkness fuels our embrace of the light, so too do we die and decompose into the ground where our bodies fertilizer the plant life that delivers oxygen and, of course, beautiful flowers.
You’re totally right that those boys, in their indelicate, cruel ways, did help teacher me how to treat people. With large classes looking at me each day, I have a large population I can put down, diminish, and destabilize each day, but I actively try to do the opposite of that. Thank you for highlighting that.
(As for Taylor’s album, yes, there’s some great stuff in there. I’ve taken a break from “thank you aIMee” since finishing this, but I’m still looping a few tracks at a high frequency. I hope you enjoy it if you do!)
This was deep and sad and touching and admirably honest. Thank you for sharing it.
The piece made me think lots of things, but what stood out most was two sayings it reminded me of: 1) the best revenge is a life well lived. And 2) hurt people, hurt people.
Regarding the second saying, I think it’s a real testament to the good of things when someone breaks that cycle, i.e., someone is hurt and they don’t hurt (or wish hurt) on anyone else. Your story echoes that sentiment, which is commendable.
Thanks Michael :)
I really like the way you put that. I’ve heard “break the cycle” before, but I hadn’t connected it to this. I like how it lends holding back names and not incriminating antagonists from my life an active verb: it’s breaking, not some passive verb or negated one. You put a lump in my throat here.
You’re totally right that Mickey, Stuart, and Jerry were surely hurt kids before they hurt me, not only after adulthood wounded them again. I have no inside knowledge about their upbringings, but I have “head canon” that I’ve adopted about where their respective cruelnesses originated from. I remember hearing that phrase as a kid and being skeptical—the “monsters” stalking the playground sure didn’t look hurt!—but as an adult, with space from the internal terror they wrought, I understand it.
Thank you so much for your observation. It really resonates with me. Just reading this thing is generous enough, but you’ve added to my internal vocabulary for thinking and remembering these challenging situations. You’re the best, Michael.
I’m super happy to have helped. And I’m really happy that I was able to help in a way where I offered new language. It’s an empowering thing to come across words/concepts that helps us think about our experiences differently — and I think as writers this is especially nice for us.
Thanks again for sharing this Michael :)