I am fortunate enough to have both sides of this perspective now.
I thoroughly appreciate all the positive my dad brought to my life, the decency, the altruistic nature, the total commitment to ALL human rights—he was the most progressive person in race, sexual preference, gender identity, religious preference, etc I have ever met in my life—and he really hasn’t been in my life for any length of time since the early 90’s. That says a a fucking lot! People often ask how could you have such forgiveness after he left me to fend for myself at the age of 16 and all I can say is that he gave me such a great foundation in those first 16 years that I can’t possibly imagine having the life I have now without his lessons. As you learned later in life about things to appreciate your father that you couldn’t understand at the time, I too learned many things after his passing that made me understand why he wasn’t meant to be in my life longer. He was a broken person who had been abandoned by his own mother multiple times in his youth, but he managed to hold it together long enough to raise me to an age where he felt I could survive on my own.
As father myself, I made many mistakes; anytime people ask me what is my biggest regret, I used to say “I have none”—despite the fact that I had suffered many things some induced by others some self-induced, I had done many STUPID things as a teen/young adult, etc. But recently I changed my answer, I now say “I wish that I wa as the version I am now, when my boys were younger!” I wish I had been more patient, more understanding, better at listening, honestly too many to list. However, as my boys grow into young adults they have been kind enough to show me grace and remind me that it was my first time figuring out life too. They are kind enough to include me in their lives while creating healthy boundaries. I think they are starting to see me in a new light and that is comforting.
This piece made me emotional. I relate to so much of what you said about your relationship with your dad. It’s such a hard thing to understand when your younger and then it becomes so much more obvious as you get older and start to see yourself in them. You captured all of this wonderfully.
Thank you so much, Michael. You’re totally right—there’s a point where you’ve got enough years under your belt and responsibility on your shoulders to finally recognize your parents in you and how your life affected theirs. It’s a special moment.
One of the most misunderstood and thankless jobs in the world is being a dad. I'm glad I realized this when I did and I know you have done the same. Their habits are formulated by the needs of their family and their innate stubbornness. But that's what makes them unique.
I am fortunate enough to have both sides of this perspective now.
I thoroughly appreciate all the positive my dad brought to my life, the decency, the altruistic nature, the total commitment to ALL human rights—he was the most progressive person in race, sexual preference, gender identity, religious preference, etc I have ever met in my life—and he really hasn’t been in my life for any length of time since the early 90’s. That says a a fucking lot! People often ask how could you have such forgiveness after he left me to fend for myself at the age of 16 and all I can say is that he gave me such a great foundation in those first 16 years that I can’t possibly imagine having the life I have now without his lessons. As you learned later in life about things to appreciate your father that you couldn’t understand at the time, I too learned many things after his passing that made me understand why he wasn’t meant to be in my life longer. He was a broken person who had been abandoned by his own mother multiple times in his youth, but he managed to hold it together long enough to raise me to an age where he felt I could survive on my own.
As father myself, I made many mistakes; anytime people ask me what is my biggest regret, I used to say “I have none”—despite the fact that I had suffered many things some induced by others some self-induced, I had done many STUPID things as a teen/young adult, etc. But recently I changed my answer, I now say “I wish that I wa as the version I am now, when my boys were younger!” I wish I had been more patient, more understanding, better at listening, honestly too many to list. However, as my boys grow into young adults they have been kind enough to show me grace and remind me that it was my first time figuring out life too. They are kind enough to include me in their lives while creating healthy boundaries. I think they are starting to see me in a new light and that is comforting.
Thank you for sharing this. Your perspective from both “characters” here is fascinating and squeezes my heart.
What a tragically beautiful regret it is to not yet be the person we can only be because we weren’t yet that person once.
This piece made me emotional. I relate to so much of what you said about your relationship with your dad. It’s such a hard thing to understand when your younger and then it becomes so much more obvious as you get older and start to see yourself in them. You captured all of this wonderfully.
Thank you so much, Michael. You’re totally right—there’s a point where you’ve got enough years under your belt and responsibility on your shoulders to finally recognize your parents in you and how your life affected theirs. It’s a special moment.
It is, feels very much like a circle-of-life type thing :)
One of the most misunderstood and thankless jobs in the world is being a dad. I'm glad I realized this when I did and I know you have done the same. Their habits are formulated by the needs of their family and their innate stubbornness. But that's what makes them unique.
Thanks Harsh. I agree. It’s strange to look back at the breadwinner role my dad took on and how I perceived it then versus now.
this one’s tugging at the heart strings :’) what an awesome piece, steele
Thanks Ethan! I’m really happy with how it turned out, but even happier that I get it now too. 🤟🏻