This was a really interesting piece. It made me think a lot of different things.
I wondered what it was that helped jack change… do you know? And it got me thinking about whether people really can change. For a long time, I didn’t think they could, then I got sober, and I was almost forced by my own experience to change that view.
I also really like the way you ended the piece. The way you turned it around to highlight how jack seems so forgiving and how there are times that’s not easy for you. This made your voice as the narrator of the piece so much more relatable, personable, and genuine. It’s certainly not easy to forgive, but speaking from my own experience, when I was still using drugs and drinking I did some stuff I’m certainly not proud of (nor do I expect people to forgive me for them) but knowing I did those things did help me forgive others for transgressions they’ve committed because I decided if I have to be judged I want to be judged on the best things I’ve done not the worst. And so, I try to do the same for others. (Not sure if that last bit makes sense…) :)
It’s a great question—I didn’t take an express opinion on it because this piece came out of recognizing Jack’s forgiveness in contrast to my lack thereof.
In truth, I don’t know that Jack changed so much as two other things did. One was the environment: no longer was there (or is there) any competition between us. That competitive atmosphere, even when coaching middle schoolers, does ignite adrenaline that shortens tempers and stokes a fire of sorts. The second thing: my perspective. That first season coaching his son was my first extended interaction with Jack, so I had more opportunity to see more of the full character, but it also let me see him outside of the competitive role. The younger me was very quick to establish heroes and villains, and I’m sure there was a lot that I simply kept myself from noticing, especially when the older adults around me were constantly pulling their hair out over that man.
In the flip side, if I were to say Jack changed—which is definitely possible—I’d be 100% sure it’s because I supported and championed his sons. Whatever enmity might have been there before, Jack’s world is his children. The moment I became their coach, Jack had to trust me with his most precious thing. I didn’t let them down, and that rivalry washed away.
Your last point absolutely makes sense. Although a lot of my highest highs came through baseball in my twenties, so too were there a lot of my lowest lows. It wasn’t until later when I started teaching and suddenly had so many people around me that I figured out how to apologize, how to set aside pride for the benefit of people I cared about. With that said, I’m much better at apologizing than forgetting, and I’m also more willing to forgive young people than adults.
I do suspect writing this, about Jack and his forgiveness, will help me going into next year’s event. I got choked up in the final section every time I read because his forgiveness really does inspire me. I can imagine, after a year of it being in my heart, I might approach next year differently from an intellectual perspective.
Thank you for this thoughtful comment. I always enjoy reflecting after your responses, but this one I chose to sit with and reflect on. I feel like it added to the piece in the same way my recording thoughts do. I really appreciate your facilitating that coda.
Yes, I figured that you intentionally chose not posit why Jack changed as the piece was about something else. It just got me wondering, but I think the way you handled it was the right move.
I also agree in that it makes perfect sense that he would be different when not in the competitive role. And when your supporting his kids.
And my pleasure. I really enjoy how we are able to read each other’s work and then exchange these deeper comments after sometimes. It add another layer to the experience. :)
I hope that my response didn’t diminish the question—it’s a fascinating question. Jack isn’t a writer, but there’s a thought exercise where I wonder: how would he have described that same season while observing me?
And yes, I really do enjoy that exchange and added layers. Thanks again, Michael.
That is a great thought exercise! That same question could be applied to so many interactions with people in beneficial ways. Seeing the world through another’s shoes so to speak :)
This was a really interesting piece. It made me think a lot of different things.
I wondered what it was that helped jack change… do you know? And it got me thinking about whether people really can change. For a long time, I didn’t think they could, then I got sober, and I was almost forced by my own experience to change that view.
I also really like the way you ended the piece. The way you turned it around to highlight how jack seems so forgiving and how there are times that’s not easy for you. This made your voice as the narrator of the piece so much more relatable, personable, and genuine. It’s certainly not easy to forgive, but speaking from my own experience, when I was still using drugs and drinking I did some stuff I’m certainly not proud of (nor do I expect people to forgive me for them) but knowing I did those things did help me forgive others for transgressions they’ve committed because I decided if I have to be judged I want to be judged on the best things I’ve done not the worst. And so, I try to do the same for others. (Not sure if that last bit makes sense…) :)
It’s a great question—I didn’t take an express opinion on it because this piece came out of recognizing Jack’s forgiveness in contrast to my lack thereof.
In truth, I don’t know that Jack changed so much as two other things did. One was the environment: no longer was there (or is there) any competition between us. That competitive atmosphere, even when coaching middle schoolers, does ignite adrenaline that shortens tempers and stokes a fire of sorts. The second thing: my perspective. That first season coaching his son was my first extended interaction with Jack, so I had more opportunity to see more of the full character, but it also let me see him outside of the competitive role. The younger me was very quick to establish heroes and villains, and I’m sure there was a lot that I simply kept myself from noticing, especially when the older adults around me were constantly pulling their hair out over that man.
In the flip side, if I were to say Jack changed—which is definitely possible—I’d be 100% sure it’s because I supported and championed his sons. Whatever enmity might have been there before, Jack’s world is his children. The moment I became their coach, Jack had to trust me with his most precious thing. I didn’t let them down, and that rivalry washed away.
Your last point absolutely makes sense. Although a lot of my highest highs came through baseball in my twenties, so too were there a lot of my lowest lows. It wasn’t until later when I started teaching and suddenly had so many people around me that I figured out how to apologize, how to set aside pride for the benefit of people I cared about. With that said, I’m much better at apologizing than forgetting, and I’m also more willing to forgive young people than adults.
I do suspect writing this, about Jack and his forgiveness, will help me going into next year’s event. I got choked up in the final section every time I read because his forgiveness really does inspire me. I can imagine, after a year of it being in my heart, I might approach next year differently from an intellectual perspective.
Thank you for this thoughtful comment. I always enjoy reflecting after your responses, but this one I chose to sit with and reflect on. I feel like it added to the piece in the same way my recording thoughts do. I really appreciate your facilitating that coda.
Yes, I figured that you intentionally chose not posit why Jack changed as the piece was about something else. It just got me wondering, but I think the way you handled it was the right move.
I also agree in that it makes perfect sense that he would be different when not in the competitive role. And when your supporting his kids.
And my pleasure. I really enjoy how we are able to read each other’s work and then exchange these deeper comments after sometimes. It add another layer to the experience. :)
I hope that my response didn’t diminish the question—it’s a fascinating question. Jack isn’t a writer, but there’s a thought exercise where I wonder: how would he have described that same season while observing me?
And yes, I really do enjoy that exchange and added layers. Thanks again, Michael.
That is a great thought exercise! That same question could be applied to so many interactions with people in beneficial ways. Seeing the world through another’s shoes so to speak :)