I’m a few years younger than you — turning 35 this year — but I this piece still really resonated with me. The disquiet of stability and aging is so strange and hard to parse out. And it seems weird for us because for people older than us we are just scoffed off as “still so young”. But I think that’s a part of why it’s hard to make sense of — this is the time, in your mid to late 30s, when you first start really thinking about aging and what your life has become.
I was thinking just the other day how so many of the things that bothered me (or should I say caused me deep depression and anxiety) in my twenties have seemed to soften and ease, partly because of my own inner work and partly just because time seems to help. But on the other hand, fuck man, how I miss the way my body moved when I was twenty and even more so, how confident I was in my ability to move it. For me, the back injury felt like I was slapped in the face with mortality, aging, decay and all the fear and fragility that comes with it. And while I know my experience isn’t the normal trajectory— I know you can relate.
As for the stability thing, I feel like the funny thing about life is it has a way of shaking things up (or down) right when we think we’re comfortable. Which is to say, maybe we don’t have to go looking for the next mountain to climb, maybe it will present itself in time.
That was an incredible and optimistic rant! You’re so right about this period being when we start to reflect on our mortality. Whatever the cause—physical trauma, loss, life and relationship changes—there’s definitely been a shift like what you’ve described.
I also miss that old body’s durability. Pre-injury, I could throw for hours and clobber baseballs to the basketball court and pop up the next morning no worse for the wear! I haven’t swung a bat since 2018—I might never get to again for what it could do to my back. That vitality is lost, but like Hilary Duff, I know I’ve swapped it for something valuable in my mind and heart, but it’s hard not to miss the illusion of invincibility projected by youth.
You’re right about those twists and turns. There’s something wild about pausing to examine what matters most to me now versus, say, fifteen years ago and see a radically different world, cast, and itinerary but see those unexpected occupations bringing joy, too.
Here’s to the journey toward more new things from here. Cheers, friend!
Hahaha glad I could offer a positive rant. I feel like when I get ranting they normal trend toward the negative haha.
The thing you said that struck me was — “the illusion of invincibility projected by youth.”
— your so right, it was an illusion. And I think that’s what I actually miss the most the naive belief that I was invincible. Foolish as it was, it sure was nice to believe. I guess, in a sense that’s a part of what coming to terms with this whole mortality thing is — becoming disillusioned.
I agree. The transformation is physical, since we do wear down and slow up, but when that illusion evaporates—that’s the thing that can’t be physical therapied or deep tissue massages back. Maybe not knowing/realizing is the defining feature of being young? I’d bet there’s a story out there for someone where the Fountain of Youth only makes you FEEL immortal..
Here here. There’s so much new to take in every day around the stability; digging into the quirky little details and what-it-means of it all will always keep me intrigued.
Prior to reading this I was unfamiliar with Hilary Duff and her music, but you provided just the right amount of context and I very much enjoyed your analysis of "luck... or something." You alluded to this in the footnote, but I appreciate how you "zoomed out" and discussed each song's contribution to the album's overarching themes of aging, maturity, and evolving relationships rather that just zeroing in on a single track in isolation from the rest of the album.
By the way, I gave most of the songs mentioned a listen, and I really enjoyed "Mature" both musically and lyrically!
Thanks for giving it a shot. I think this is the truest album review I’ve written on here, so I’m glad it worked for you. Credit to Duff for putting together an album cohesive enough to analyze this way.
I’m a few years younger than you — turning 35 this year — but I this piece still really resonated with me. The disquiet of stability and aging is so strange and hard to parse out. And it seems weird for us because for people older than us we are just scoffed off as “still so young”. But I think that’s a part of why it’s hard to make sense of — this is the time, in your mid to late 30s, when you first start really thinking about aging and what your life has become.
I was thinking just the other day how so many of the things that bothered me (or should I say caused me deep depression and anxiety) in my twenties have seemed to soften and ease, partly because of my own inner work and partly just because time seems to help. But on the other hand, fuck man, how I miss the way my body moved when I was twenty and even more so, how confident I was in my ability to move it. For me, the back injury felt like I was slapped in the face with mortality, aging, decay and all the fear and fragility that comes with it. And while I know my experience isn’t the normal trajectory— I know you can relate.
As for the stability thing, I feel like the funny thing about life is it has a way of shaking things up (or down) right when we think we’re comfortable. Which is to say, maybe we don’t have to go looking for the next mountain to climb, maybe it will present itself in time.
Sorry for the random rant, thanks Michael :)
That was an incredible and optimistic rant! You’re so right about this period being when we start to reflect on our mortality. Whatever the cause—physical trauma, loss, life and relationship changes—there’s definitely been a shift like what you’ve described.
I also miss that old body’s durability. Pre-injury, I could throw for hours and clobber baseballs to the basketball court and pop up the next morning no worse for the wear! I haven’t swung a bat since 2018—I might never get to again for what it could do to my back. That vitality is lost, but like Hilary Duff, I know I’ve swapped it for something valuable in my mind and heart, but it’s hard not to miss the illusion of invincibility projected by youth.
You’re right about those twists and turns. There’s something wild about pausing to examine what matters most to me now versus, say, fifteen years ago and see a radically different world, cast, and itinerary but see those unexpected occupations bringing joy, too.
Here’s to the journey toward more new things from here. Cheers, friend!
Hahaha glad I could offer a positive rant. I feel like when I get ranting they normal trend toward the negative haha.
The thing you said that struck me was — “the illusion of invincibility projected by youth.”
— your so right, it was an illusion. And I think that’s what I actually miss the most the naive belief that I was invincible. Foolish as it was, it sure was nice to believe. I guess, in a sense that’s a part of what coming to terms with this whole mortality thing is — becoming disillusioned.
Thanks Michael :)
I agree. The transformation is physical, since we do wear down and slow up, but when that illusion evaporates—that’s the thing that can’t be physical therapied or deep tissue massages back. Maybe not knowing/realizing is the defining feature of being young? I’d bet there’s a story out there for someone where the Fountain of Youth only makes you FEEL immortal..
It’s strange how much I miss the not knowing.
Our curiosity does not stop, even in our quietest moments.
Happy early birthday Steele. May your months be interrupted with donuts and your breakfasts remain mostly uninterrupted :)
Here here. There’s so much new to take in every day around the stability; digging into the quirky little details and what-it-means of it all will always keep me intrigued.
And thank you!!!
Hi Mr. Steele!
Prior to reading this I was unfamiliar with Hilary Duff and her music, but you provided just the right amount of context and I very much enjoyed your analysis of "luck... or something." You alluded to this in the footnote, but I appreciate how you "zoomed out" and discussed each song's contribution to the album's overarching themes of aging, maturity, and evolving relationships rather that just zeroing in on a single track in isolation from the rest of the album.
By the way, I gave most of the songs mentioned a listen, and I really enjoyed "Mature" both musically and lyrically!
I hope you have a nice birthday week!
Carmen
Thanks for giving it a shot. I think this is the truest album review I’ve written on here, so I’m glad it worked for you. Credit to Duff for putting together an album cohesive enough to analyze this way.
And thank you!